On Tuesday, Sen. Benjamin Cardin (D-MD) proposed the latest government bailout to another bloodied and bruised industry, the newspapers. Only instead of a straight injection of taxpayer funds, Sen. Cardin wants newspapers to go non-profit so they can enjoy the massive tax breaks that keep charities afloat.

While I applaud the lawmaker’s noble effort to keep the presses printing, I feel that the bill is just another straw grasp by someone who doesn’t truly get the newspaper business—or a capitalist society at that.

The beauty of said structure is that, much like the theory of evolution, it weeds out the bad businessmen (and women) from the good.

For example, if a clothing designer creates expensive, ill-designed outfits made from cheap materials, like Lauren Conrad, they aren’t likely long for this world. Shockingly, Conrad just announced that her line is on “hiatus.”

And rightly so.

It’s kind of like General Motors. If you continue offering your customers sub-standard, plasticy products year after year they will stray to a company such as Audi, whose cutting-edge cars allowed the German company to turn a cushy after-tax profit last year—during a time it seems more people are sleeping in cars than buying them.

Business bailouts are like cloning sheep: kind of gross and very disruptive to natural survival of the fittest.

By allowing newspapers tax-exempt status, not only is the government dipping their hand in free press, one of the most sacred cornerstones of our country, they are essentially giving publishers more time to twiddle with nickels and dimes instead of creating the new business model that will save the industry. Senator Cardin, you said yourself that newspapers are “critically important to democracy.” So lets stop prolonging the inevitable and cure this thing already. The time for nickels and dimes is done.

Squelching the burning fire under the business side of the newspaper business will only harm the industry in the long run. After all, the best innovation comes when flames are up your ass and you’re about to lose your health benefits (I think that’s called survival mode).

As the saying goes, if you can’t take the heat then get the hell out of the kitchen.

Maybe its time for those who can’t hack it to retreat to the den.

Photo: Dmarie fashion blog