The Bloggomist: Design in the Blood
Design Opinion

Without a doubt, the Segway is a milestone in engineering. Yet all that is for nought, because you can’t help but look a complete tool when riding one. It’s this niche market that we’ve become obsessed with; it’s not a bicycle, it’s not a scooter, it’s not a unicycle or a skateboard…it’s a new type of transportation with an ‘intuitive’ mode of operation that requires batteries, motors and gyroscopes to function. A modern marvel yet at the same time utterly pointless. This, it seems, is where we’re at.

Therefore I always raise a mistrusting eyebrow when there’s talk of a revolutionary or game changing new archetype about to be magically unveiled. This is partially because I’m tired of Apple fanboys drooling over every rumor, and partially because I don’t necessarily want someone sitting in an armchair, Matrix Reloaded style, explaining to me what’s going on and why I need another piece of gadgetry that does what my existing gadgetry already does, only this time within a different sized square.

As with many Apple products, the revolutionary element of the iPad is to be what kind of new experiences will be consumed, not just what the thing will look and feel like. Case in point is the iPhone. Not a new archetype as it certainly was not the first ever touch-screen smartphone, but its simple user interface, app store and software developer’s kit hurled it leaps and bounds ahead of the rest. That was game changing.

Making the iPhone awkwardly larger and calling it something else, however, is not game changing. It’s self-indulgent.

I don’t doubt that given time the iPad will be powerful enough to be a useful computational device, essentially a laptop without a built-in keypad. But then it’ll be…a laptop without a built-in keypad. Apart from just basic functionality, the advantage of the now seemingly passe laptop archetype is that it is also capable of protecting its own glass screen. Not so for the iPad whose exposed displays will soon be heard shattering across the globe, as their svelte and slippery aluminum housings launch from fumbled fingertips.

However the real party-piece of this new format is that it allows Apple to sell you digital books as they attempt to do for that market what they did for digital music. But after using a phone, computer and TV in the span of a day, the last thing I want to do is stare at another brightly-lit screen, let alone read a novel on one. Low tech Amazon’s Kindle may be, its e-ink display is easy on the eyes and its battery will last exponentially longer, meaning War and Peace won’t need several recharges to get through.

With a laptop you could sit at the local Starbucks and you might be writing the screenplay for Spider-Man 5 for all anyone knows. With an iPhone you could be texting Richard Branson to schedule afternoon tea. But as an iPad user you’ll be seen Tweeting about the incorrect temperature of your latte, or turning it like a steering wheel while playing a racing game, or flipping through the pages of the latest Dan Brown novel, and you’re going to look like a tool because people will know you’re not doing anything of use. This embarrassing application of technology is usually reserved for people who wear Bluetooth headsets and ride Segways…at the same time. Now I fear, cafes, buses and street corners will be full of people doing impersonations of Tom Cruise in Minority Report, gesturing wildly on a screen large enough for everyone in the vicinity to see thanks to Apple’s proudly advertised display tech that allows clear viewing from every angle.

It may be unfair to call the iPad a complete whim just yet because I can’t help but to envision that it could one day become a useful tool, perhaps in hospitals to monitor patient charts or for teachers to better prepare lessons for their students. Or perhaps it will one day deliver the meaning of life (as long as AT&T’s network can handle that). But all that aside in the short term I instead can’t help but to wonder which burgeoning hipster-folk-vocalist-acoustic performer will have their song featured on the next Apple TV spot while we watch a disembodied hand choose an iBook from the iShelf on the iPad. Oh wait, iDon’t give a f…

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To see more from Leon Fitzpatrick, visit: http://evilmonito.com/author/leon/

Published on 2 February 2010 | |